These days I find myself straddling the line and wavering between acceptance of the never-ending to do list and resistance to it. It feels like my husband and I could spend all day hacking away at the responsibilities and still not feel accomplished or done by the end of the day. And then, of course, there are the big kids who are home with us all the time and who want and need our engagement. And we truly want to be with them too, spending time doing the things that bring them and us joy.
We hired a doula. We took natural childbirth preparation classes. We planned for an unmedicated birth. We switched care providers at 25 weeks in hopes of having more support for our birth vision. Baby was found to be breech at 36 weeks.
I am my 4-month-old’s favorite person. This is just as it should be and it’s so very sweet, but of course it’s also exhausting. He rarely wants to be held by anybody else, and if he does, he doesn’t last long before looking around for me and protesting until I return.