Each time I prepare to welcome a new child into my life has felt different. When I was expecting my first child 6 years ago, I was overwhelmingly excited and I went full steam ahead planning for what I’d need for baby – furniture, diapers, clothing, etc.
When I was parenting a newborn baby I really struggled to accept her dependence on me. I entered parenthood with the idea that I would be loving and nurturing, but I would also encourage independence. When it came to newborn care, this meant I wouldn’t hold my baby 24-7, I wouldn’t be overly responsive to her grunts and squeaks in the middle of the night, and I would let her know that it was ok to be in this world on her own. Two years later, it now sounds so unrealistic and harsh to have approached parenting this way, but I think this parenting approach is more common than it’s counterpart – attachment parenting.
My first child was born via cesarean. I had a bit of time to prepare for this, as he was breech and I knew that if he didn’t turn head down, I’d be having a cesarean. (I couldn’t find a provider who would attend a breech birth). However, this was not what I wanted. And I was still relatively unprepared for what the experience would be like during and immediately after the birth.
Raise your hand if you had some ideas about the type of parent you were going to be before you had a baby. My hand is way up high in the sky. I had a lot of ideas about the kind of mother I was going to be. I also had a lot of ideas about what I would think about being a mom. Namely, I thought I would really like it and feel like a rock star. No one had really described to me, in a way I could hear, how humbling and challenging being a parent can be.
As a doula, I have frequent opportunities to witness mothers doing their thing, being in the place where only they can go, where they are simultaneously most vulnerable and powerful. I know that mothers are so very strong, often much stronger than they themselves even realize
Whenever I talk to older moms about how things are going for me they inevitable remind me to enjoy every moment because time flies. So, I’ve started pre-empting folks by stating, “I know time will fly,” or “I’m trying to stay in the moment.” But the truth is, for me, not every moment is really worth remembering.