Alyssa is the mama to 4-year-old Simon and a soon to be born baby girl. This is her postpartum story.

My first pregnancy was not planned. I was in denial for most of the 9 months and hoped that by some miracle the whole situation would disappear and I would not have to deal with labor and then subsequently having and taking care of a baby. Because of the extremely poor mental state I was in about my pregnancy I did very little research into what was going on with my body, what would happen during labor (I still have a rough time thinking about the labor process even after having one child and now being 7 months pregnant with my second!) and then what would happen once I got this baby home.

I have a good relationship with my mother, but am really not comfortable talking about pregnancy, labor, birth, etc. with her, or anyone else, for that matter. I’d like to say my 1st birth went exactly as planned because I had no plan! I did know I wanted an epidural because I was scared of the pain. At my OB’s recommendation, my husband and I signed up for a few educational classes provided by the childbirth education department at the hospital. To this day I would like a refund from the 5 hour Lamaze class I paid for. It was useless and made me even more uncomfortable with the birth process.

Fortunately, everything went fine and well and I had a healthy 8lb, 8oz. baby boy! I remember the nurses asking me if I was planning to breastfeed. I said, “I guess I’ll give it a try.” I had no plans about this beforehand either. I am somewhat of a cheapskate and know that formula is expensive and breastfeeding allows for easier night-time feedings so it won. The first 2 weeks were a NIGHTMARE. Absolute nightmare. I was sore, bleeding, and my baby was an excessive cluster-feeder, so naturally I figured he wasn’t getting enough milk. This was the first time my hormones actually took control over me and I would sit and sob at 3AM because I felt like an utter failure. I stuck with it and after about 2 weeks to 1 month, I figured out how to lie down while breastfeeding and “threw caution to the wind” and began co-sleeping. I’ve never looked back and have become a huge supporter of co-sleeping.

Considering this narrative is supposed to be about the postpartum transition, I found ‘support’ from the Internet and a few select books. Before I had my baby, I was really nervous that I’d be susceptible to postpartum depression because of how I felt throughout my entire pregnancy, but surprisingly, my mental state made a complete turnaround and besides the frustration with early breastfeeding, I don’t think I’d ever been in a better mental state!

I was blind sided with being bombarded with family. In all honesty, my mother-in-law was not helpful because she basically invited her family and my parents over for dinner at MY house when my baby was about 5-6 days old. If this were to happen now I would absolutely put my foot down and not allow it. I understand that she believed she was being helpful by cooking and cleaning, but I still had to feed this baby and even though it was all family, I was nowhere near comfortable with breastfeeding yet so I banished myself and my son upstairs for a lot of the time at many different times. After the ‘newness’ wore off the family backed off a bit, and of course I got the empty, “let me know if you need anything” offers. What I needed was to be left alone. I didn’t even want anyone in my house to help with cleaning or laundry – those were the least of my concerns.

I think about doulas regularly and wonder if I would do well with one that I didn’t know very well. Does this make sense? I am most uncomfortable with family and think an objective person not related to me or my husband in any way would really be a positive experience since she would be someone I’d be meeting for the first time and would begin getting to know me and my family at this poignant time in my life.

Finally, it’s such an empty phrase, but I now rest in the “it gets better” mantra. Once I reached the “4th trimester” things were leaps and bounds better and I really felt like I hit my stride. Now, in preparation for my 2nd baby, I plan to seek out more than just online support. I plan to actively search for other moms and hope to find a community I can fit in with. No matter where we are in our journey as moms, I think something important to keep in mind is to always focus on LOVE. Love your child every day and demonstrate that love in whatever way makes you most comfortable.