After the birth of my first baby, my life was turned upside down. I didn’t know what to make of my new daily routine and I almost didn’t even recognize myself. To say I was resistant to these sudden changes would be an understatement. I did not welcome my new role with grace or acceptance. It just felt so abrupt, and it happened without much warning.
I recently had a humbling mothering experience. It was during a trip to my in-law’s house, they live 8 hours away. It had been a busy stressful week of organizing our belongings and cleaning our house in preparation for our trip. Nary a kind word had been exchanged between myself and my partner in at least 5 days. After a long drive after a full day’s work we arrived at the inlaw’s at 1:30 am.
My first baby cried a lot. I remember one day, about a month after he was born, when I felt like he cried all day. I tried to help him, but it seemed like nothing worked. As the day went on, I became increasingly frustrated and hopeless, and my ability to think creatively about how to help him went out the window. Logical thinking was overshadowed by exhaustion, frustration, and anxiety.
Today I want to talk about the power of silence over our wellness. To start I want to reflect on the first outing with my daughter when she was a newborn. She was probably 2-3 weeks old and I went with Taylor (NMP co-founder) to a Birth Network Central New York meeting. It couldn’t have been a better setting to take a newborn. It was a small group of mothers discussing birth advocacy in our area. If anyone would help me brave this first outing it would be this group. I was anxious about my first adventure as a mom.
“It will get easier. It won’t always be this hard. Trust me.” These words are so often uttered to new parents in the throes of recovering from birth, learning how to care for a newborn and care for themselves at the same time. I often find myself saying these things to friends and families that I work with, because I know it’s true.
Why is she crying Why am I crying? Why did my birth go that way? Why doesn’t my partner understand what I’m saying? Why is the baby’s poop green? Why did the baby sleep through the night last night?